Marea Dragoste..

 

Marea dragosteVisul oricarei fiinte este de a trai macar odata in viata o mare povestede dragoste. Si adesea ne lasam purtati de acest vis.Dragostea se implineste si capata forma prin intimitatea ce se nasteintre doua suflete si trupuri deopotriva. Astfel, pe langa intimitateafizica putem vorbi si de cea spirituala, sufleteasca.Cum apare dragostea?Mai intai ne indragostim.Dar care ar fi simptomele omului indragostit?Simptomele variaza de la persoana la persoana, de la femeie lafemeie, de la barbat la barbat si cunosc si o variatie in timp.Faza de debut.Este faza in care experimentezi o stare de fuziune cvasipermanentacu celalalt. Sunteti de nedespartit sau resimti acut dorinta de a facetotul impreuna. Cu fiecare clipa va descoperiti unul pe celalalt si valasati cuceriti de ceea ce simturile voastre descopera. Simtiti onevoie impetuoasa de a comunica in permanenta si de a vacunoaste.Puterea noilor vibratii emotionale si a atractiei sexuale dezleaga limbisi destupa urechi.Trecutul te atrage, prezentul te infierbanta, iar viiorul te hraneste cusperante si nevoie de certitudini. Este perioada in care regasestigustul confesarii si fericirea de a asculta si de a fi ascultat ca urmarea increderii pe care incepi (pentru unii cu pasi repezi, pentru altii cupasi timizi) sa o investesti in celalalt.Si pentru ca faceti totul impreuna, redescoperiti lumea in doi, plini deentuziasm si dominati de dorinta de fi unul pe placul celuilalt.Indragostitul din tine este amabil, chiar indatoritor, se pliaza pegusturile partenerei sau partenerului, este receptiv la dorinteleacesteia/uia devenind empatic si preluand (in grade diferite) ideile,conceptiile si/sau valorile celuilalt.Este faza in care mai mult va adoptati unul pe celalalt decat sa vaadaptati unul la celalalt, venind unul in intampinarea celuilalt,explorandu-va profunzimile sufletesti tocmai din dorinta de a vaidealiza, identifica si fuziona unul cu celalalt.Dominanta este ideea de intreg!Totul este minunat si miraculos

 

Darkness…

I had a dream, which was not all a dream.
The bright sun was extinguish’d, and the stars
Did wander darkling in the eternal space,
Rayless, and pathless, and the icy earth
Swung blind and blackening in the moonless air;
Morn came, and went and came, and brought no day,
And men forgot their passions in the dread
Of this desolation; and all hearts
Were chill’d into a selfish prayer for light:
And they did live by watchfires – and the thrones,
The palaces of crowned kings, the huts,
The habitations of all things which dwell,
Were burnt for beacons; cities were consumed,
And men were gathered round their blazing homes
To look once more into each other’s face;
Happy were those who dwelt within the eye
Of the volcanos, and their mountain-torch:
A fearful hope was all the world contain’d;
Forest were set on fire but hour by hour
They fell and faded and the crackling trunks
Extinguish’d with a crash and all was black.
The brows of men by the despairing light
Wore an unearthly aspect, as by fits
The flashes fell upon them; some lay down
And hid their eyes and wept; and some did rest
Their chins upon their clenched hands, and smiled;
And others hurried to and fro, and fed
Their funeral piles with fuel, and looked up
With mad disquietude on the dull sky,
The pall of a past world; and then again
With curses cast them down upon the dust,
And gnash’d their teeth and howl’d: the wild birds shriek’d,
And, terrified, did flutter on the ground,
And flap their useless wings; the wildest brutes
Came tame and tremolous; and vipers crawl’d
And twined themselves among the multitude,
Hissing, but stingless, they were slain for food:
And War, which for a moment was no more,
Did glut himself again; a meal was bought
With blood, and each sate sullenly apart
Gorging himself in gloom: no love was left;
All earth was but one thought and that was death,
Immediate and inglorious; and the pang
Of famine fed upon all entrails men
Died, and their bones were tombless as their flesh;
The meagre by the meagre were devoured,
Even dogs assail’d their masters, all save one,
And he was faithful to a corpse, and kept
The birds and beasts and famish’d men at bay,
Till hunger clung them, or the dropping dead
Lured their lank jaws; himself sought out no food,
But with a piteous and perpetual moan
And a quick desolate cry, licking the hand
Which answered not with a caress, he died.
The crowd was famish’d by degrees; but two
Of an enormous city did survive, And they were enemies;
They met beside
The dying embers of an altar-place
Where had been heap’d a mass of holy things
For an unholy usage; they raked up,
And shivering scraped with their cold skeleton hands
The feeble ashes, and their feeble breath

Blew for a little life, and made a flame
Wich was a mockery; then they lifted up
Their eyes as it grew lighter, and
Each other’s aspects. saw, and shriek’d, and died, beheld
Even of their mutual hideousness they died,
Unknowing who he was upon whose brow
Famine had written Fiend. The world was void,
The populous and the powerful was a lump,
Seasonless, herbless, treeless, manless, lifeless,
A lump of death, a chaos of hard clay.
The rivers, lakes, and ocean stood still,
And nothing stirred within their silent depths;
Ships sailorless lay rotting on the sea,
And their masts fell down piecemeal; as they dropp’d
They slept on the abyss without a surge
The waves were dead; the tides were in their grave,
The moon their mistress had expired before;
The winds were withered in the stagnant air,
And the clouds perish’d; Darkness had no need
Of aid from them. She was the universe.

 

O Poveste (VI)

After first night of writing in the journal, Chris is hardly falling asleep, thinking about everything.. in the end, he wokes up in a dream as if he was back in time where he answers Gabi’s call, the conversation proceeds as shown..

“C: I could hurt you
I am sometimes too friendly
I’m affraid that you might fall in love with me..
You see.. i’ve changed
I really did..
And i’m affraid that you might fall in love with me..3
I’ll fall in love back
And that would led me back to where i started with you..
Can you honestly tell me that you forgot the time that we spent togheter?
Can you tell me that you really really don’t miss that
Cuz if it’s so..
Then maybe you’re a liar..
And i hate lies..

G: I have to life with this regret 4 ever

C: Not forever.. you’ll find someone , fell in love and that’s all
That is the reality..

G: I’m really tired to wait for that someone, now i dont give a fuck

C: So we’re both in a fucked up situation
I love you and i’m not loved back

G: I’m single since summer…

C: And you’re tired to wait for someone to fell in love.

G: I’m trying to not give up but i cant, im so fucked up

C: You…
You already have someone to love you
And to care for you
So cheer up!
Someone is out there
Even if it’s far..
He’s always thinking of you
And praying that you are ok

G: You’re killing me

C: Well
This is the truth baby
You have to live the truth
To become stronger..
At least i did..

G: There’s no way to make you feel better?

C: Really?..no
But it’s ok
I’ve learned to live with it..

G: Uff..

C: ….”

After that conversation Chris woke up…

 

O Poveste (VI) – Jurnalul…

http://dadeionutzu.wordpress.com/2010/03/12/o-poveste-i/

http://dadeionutzu.wordpress.com/2010/03/13/o-poveste-ii/

http://dadeionutzu.wordpress.com/2010/03/18/o-poveste-iii/

http://dadeionutzu.wordpress.com/2011/04/13/o-poveste-iv-revenire/

http://dadeionutzu.wordpress.com/2011/07/31/o-poveste-v/

” Draga Jurnal, nici nu stiu cum sa fac acest pas.. e prima oara cand scriu.. Nu am simtit niciodata nevoia sa scriu in jurnal pana acum.. nici nu stiu cum se face, care este procedeul.. tot ce stiu este ca simt nevoia sa scriu, sa zic, sa fac ceva sa ma descarc.. am mult prea multe lucruri ce imi circula prin minte.. incep sa cedez, nu mai pot sa rezist mult.. parca totul este pe dos.. asa ca voi incepe..

Februarie, 13

M-am trezit foarte ametit.. parca nici nu imi doream sa ma trezesc, sunt atatea lucruri la care sa ma gandesc ca sincer sa fiu nici nu stiu cu ce sa incep.. primul lucru care am vrut sa-l fac a fost sa fac un dus.. sa dau drumul la radio, sa imi iau gandul.. zis si facut.. Mi-am pus de o cafea, mi-am aprins de o tigara si m-am asezat pe canapea.. Am deschis geamul, e frig afara dar in acelasi timp bate vantul si se simte un calm cum de mult nu am simtit.. Cafeaua a dat in clocot, normal, nu am fost deloc atent sau concentrat..ma gandesc intr-una la Gabi.. Imi pare rau acum ca am inchis telefonul.. dar in acelasi timp sunt constient ca a fost cel mai bun lucru care l-am putut face in viata mea.. si totusi..de ce simt aceste regrete? oare ce avea sa-mi spuna? Oare imi era frica ca voia sa-mi zica de ce ma tem eu? Voia sa-mi spuna ca ma iubeste si ca vrea sa ne intoarcem la ce a fost? la trecutul nostru? Oare.. s-a schimbat? nu mai inteleg nimic.. Elis e si ea o parte din viata mea, si tin foarte foarte mult la ea.. dar nu trebuie, m-am saturat sa neg ce simt! Am aruncat paharul pe jumatate plin cu whisky de podea, l-am spart, m-am simtit mult mai bine.. m-am saturat sa fac asta, sa beau, sa imi distrug amarul cu alcool.. deja sunt ametit ..si nu numai din cauza bauturii.. Nu pot sa nu ma gandesc , oricat as nega, ca vreau sa fie din nou ce a fost cu Gabi.. dar de ce? mi-a facut atat de mult rau, mi-a sfasiat inima in mii si mii de bucatele fara sa clipeasca..de parca as fi fost doar o unealta pentru ea.. o jucarie care a manevrato cum a vrut ea.. Nu , nu este posibil!! ceva este la mijloc.. Doamne, inca nu imi vine sa cred ca am crezut-o! mi-a spus ca ma iubeste iar eu ca o papusha bine manevrata am dansat dupa cum mi s-a cantat.. Si totusi, de ce inca tremur cand ii aud vocea? la naiba! m-am saturat.. nu stiu cum sa fac.. Elis e o fata buna, prea buna pentru mine.. imi este frica pentru ea.. se indragosteste de mine iar eu… ma gandesc la cu totul altceva.. ma gandesc sa fiu lasat in pace… pff..nu-mi vine sa cred..am ajuns propriul meu inamic.. un distrugator de inimi.. Tin la Elis foarte mult.. dar nu pot face mai mult pentru ea.. nu pot sa merg mai departe cu minciuna asta.. oare ce gandeste ea acum? oare plange pentru mine? NU! nu se poate asa ceva! nu sunt de iubit.. sunt un monstru.. stiu asta.. si ma impiedica sa fiu fericit.. sa continui.. Nu stiu ce voi face in continuare.. nu stiu cat voi mai rezista.. sper doar ca acesta sa fie un pas bun, faptul ca scriu in jurnal..trebuie sa fac ceva sa ma descarc iar sa-i povestesc unei persoane despre chestiile astea nu as putea, m-as simti foarte prost, as intra in pamant.. probabil din cauza faptului ca voi fi aspru judecat.. Draga Jurnal, multumesc ca ma asculti si ca nu ma judeci.. sper sa continui acest obicei..
P.S. azi a fost prima oara cand mi sa zis ca sunt un om bun.. Elis mi-a ziso inainte sa plece din casa.. trebuie sa o gasesc, sa ii povestesc totul..o merita.. iar eu nu merit nimic..trebuie sa-mi continui povara, de a iubi o persoana care ma distrus, si de a infrange o inima si un gand care nu are cale de implinire… “

 

The beggining of the end..

Yeah well hello again! first , for a change , i recieved some requests that i should write more posts in english.. so here it is..

February! Can you believe it? it’s the second month in the year!! Time flies.. indeed.. it’s been already a month since new year, where all people had fun (parties, drinking, having more sex than usual and other stuff). In two days will a month be passed since St. Jhon let me think.. half of month since winter vacation ended.. and other usefull stuff.. February.. yeah.. we all know what this month is representative for , right? sure you do! well, it passed 4 years since the month had 29 days so.. this year February has again, 29 days.. so for the people that were born in the 29th of February, it’s a very special birthday party ! (since they feel it from 4 to 4 years) . Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand.. of course..  VALENTINES!

Now,normally, the romanian date of celebrating sweet Valentine’s is different than the americans, buuut, we do it every year on 14th.. But, what is it exactly Valentine’s? Of course!! The greatest day in the year for all the lovers in almost the whole world!! Yeah you know the feeling probably, when you go buy flowers for your girlfriend, get her out for a movie at the mall, have a romantic dinner and after that eventually valentine’s sex.. Oooooooooooooor, you do like most jerks and skip to the last part of this “plan” Some people think that this is the day where love is in the air, and you keep it going, with sweet words, confessions, “one day marriages” and other stuff.. sure it’s cute.. i didin’t say no.. even if i personally hate this day.. (other subject, non-important) I mean really, it’s too much cuddling, sweetness, “oh dear i love you so much” and stuff.. So, in conclusion, for some people Valentine’s is like the best lover day.. (even the kids in high school celebrate valentine’s .. with words like “i love you” and stuf.. like they’d know what is love…” but for some people it’s the saddest day of the year.. you know..yeah..maybe you find yourself in them too.. of course.. the single ones! Isin’t it such a bitch when you see all your friends going out with the partners? and you know that they’ll have fun..and even if you dont recognize it, you are gealous of them! invidious! deep inside your heart a voice is telling you that it should it be you the one who is beeing kissed by that sweet girl under that old tree or shining light or even under a falling star… So? conclusion? is it good or is it bad? think of both sides, don’t be selfish, i , personally, think it’s bad.. and that was all for today..