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Darkness…

I had a dream, which was not all a dream.
The bright sun was extinguish’d, and the stars
Did wander darkling in the eternal space,
Rayless, and pathless, and the icy earth
Swung blind and blackening in the moonless air;
Morn came, and went and came, and brought no day,
And men forgot their passions in the dread
Of this desolation; and all hearts
Were chill’d into a selfish prayer for light:
And they did live by watchfires – and the thrones,
The palaces of crowned kings, the huts,
The habitations of all things which dwell,
Were burnt for beacons; cities were consumed,
And men were gathered round their blazing homes
To look once more into each other’s face;
Happy were those who dwelt within the eye
Of the volcanos, and their mountain-torch:
A fearful hope was all the world contain’d;
Forest were set on fire but hour by hour
They fell and faded and the crackling trunks
Extinguish’d with a crash and all was black.
The brows of men by the despairing light
Wore an unearthly aspect, as by fits
The flashes fell upon them; some lay down
And hid their eyes and wept; and some did rest
Their chins upon their clenched hands, and smiled;
And others hurried to and fro, and fed
Their funeral piles with fuel, and looked up
With mad disquietude on the dull sky,
The pall of a past world; and then again
With curses cast them down upon the dust,
And gnash’d their teeth and howl’d: the wild birds shriek’d,
And, terrified, did flutter on the ground,
And flap their useless wings; the wildest brutes
Came tame and tremolous; and vipers crawl’d
And twined themselves among the multitude,
Hissing, but stingless, they were slain for food:
And War, which for a moment was no more,
Did glut himself again; a meal was bought
With blood, and each sate sullenly apart
Gorging himself in gloom: no love was left;
All earth was but one thought and that was death,
Immediate and inglorious; and the pang
Of famine fed upon all entrails men
Died, and their bones were tombless as their flesh;
The meagre by the meagre were devoured,
Even dogs assail’d their masters, all save one,
And he was faithful to a corpse, and kept
The birds and beasts and famish’d men at bay,
Till hunger clung them, or the dropping dead
Lured their lank jaws; himself sought out no food,
But with a piteous and perpetual moan
And a quick desolate cry, licking the hand
Which answered not with a caress, he died.
The crowd was famish’d by degrees; but two
Of an enormous city did survive, And they were enemies;
They met beside
The dying embers of an altar-place
Where had been heap’d a mass of holy things
For an unholy usage; they raked up,
And shivering scraped with their cold skeleton hands
The feeble ashes, and their feeble breath

Blew for a little life, and made a flame
Wich was a mockery; then they lifted up
Their eyes as it grew lighter, and
Each other’s aspects. saw, and shriek’d, and died, beheld
Even of their mutual hideousness they died,
Unknowing who he was upon whose brow
Famine had written Fiend. The world was void,
The populous and the powerful was a lump,
Seasonless, herbless, treeless, manless, lifeless,
A lump of death, a chaos of hard clay.
The rivers, lakes, and ocean stood still,
And nothing stirred within their silent depths;
Ships sailorless lay rotting on the sea,
And their masts fell down piecemeal; as they dropp’d
They slept on the abyss without a surge
The waves were dead; the tides were in their grave,
The moon their mistress had expired before;
The winds were withered in the stagnant air,
And the clouds perish’d; Darkness had no need
Of aid from them. She was the universe.

 
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Posted by on February 23, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

O Poveste (VI)

After first night of writing in the journal, Chris is hardly falling asleep, thinking about everything.. in the end, he wokes up in a dream as if he was back in time where he answers Gabi’s call, the conversation proceeds as shown..

“C: I could hurt you
I am sometimes too friendly
I’m affraid that you might fall in love with me..
You see.. i’ve changed
I really did..
And i’m affraid that you might fall in love with me..3
I’ll fall in love back
And that would led me back to where i started with you..
Can you honestly tell me that you forgot the time that we spent togheter?
Can you tell me that you really really don’t miss that
Cuz if it’s so..
Then maybe you’re a liar..
And i hate lies..

G: I have to life with this regret 4 ever

C: Not forever.. you’ll find someone , fell in love and that’s all
That is the reality..

G: I’m really tired to wait for that someone, now i dont give a fuck

C: So we’re both in a fucked up situation
I love you and i’m not loved back

G: I’m single since summer…

C: And you’re tired to wait for someone to fell in love.

G: I’m trying to not give up but i cant, im so fucked up

C: You…
You already have someone to love you
And to care for you
So cheer up!
Someone is out there
Even if it’s far..
He’s always thinking of you
And praying that you are ok

G: You’re killing me

C: Well
This is the truth baby
You have to live the truth
To become stronger..
At least i did..

G: There’s no way to make you feel better?

C: Really?..no
But it’s ok
I’ve learned to live with it..

G: Uff..

C: ….”

After that conversation Chris woke up…

 
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Posted by on February 12, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

O Poveste (VI) – Jurnalul…

http://dadeionutzu.wordpress.com/2010/03/12/o-poveste-i/

http://dadeionutzu.wordpress.com/2010/03/13/o-poveste-ii/

http://dadeionutzu.wordpress.com/2010/03/18/o-poveste-iii/

http://dadeionutzu.wordpress.com/2011/04/13/o-poveste-iv-revenire/

http://dadeionutzu.wordpress.com/2011/07/31/o-poveste-v/

” Draga Jurnal, nici nu stiu cum sa fac acest pas.. e prima oara cand scriu.. Nu am simtit niciodata nevoia sa scriu in jurnal pana acum.. nici nu stiu cum se face, care este procedeul.. tot ce stiu este ca simt nevoia sa scriu, sa zic, sa fac ceva sa ma descarc.. am mult prea multe lucruri ce imi circula prin minte.. incep sa cedez, nu mai pot sa rezist mult.. parca totul este pe dos.. asa ca voi incepe..

Februarie, 13

M-am trezit foarte ametit.. parca nici nu imi doream sa ma trezesc, sunt atatea lucruri la care sa ma gandesc ca sincer sa fiu nici nu stiu cu ce sa incep.. primul lucru care am vrut sa-l fac a fost sa fac un dus.. sa dau drumul la radio, sa imi iau gandul.. zis si facut.. Mi-am pus de o cafea, mi-am aprins de o tigara si m-am asezat pe canapea.. Am deschis geamul, e frig afara dar in acelasi timp bate vantul si se simte un calm cum de mult nu am simtit.. Cafeaua a dat in clocot, normal, nu am fost deloc atent sau concentrat..ma gandesc intr-una la Gabi.. Imi pare rau acum ca am inchis telefonul.. dar in acelasi timp sunt constient ca a fost cel mai bun lucru care l-am putut face in viata mea.. si totusi..de ce simt aceste regrete? oare ce avea sa-mi spuna? Oare imi era frica ca voia sa-mi zica de ce ma tem eu? Voia sa-mi spuna ca ma iubeste si ca vrea sa ne intoarcem la ce a fost? la trecutul nostru? Oare.. s-a schimbat? nu mai inteleg nimic.. Elis e si ea o parte din viata mea, si tin foarte foarte mult la ea.. dar nu trebuie, m-am saturat sa neg ce simt! Am aruncat paharul pe jumatate plin cu whisky de podea, l-am spart, m-am simtit mult mai bine.. m-am saturat sa fac asta, sa beau, sa imi distrug amarul cu alcool.. deja sunt ametit ..si nu numai din cauza bauturii.. Nu pot sa nu ma gandesc , oricat as nega, ca vreau sa fie din nou ce a fost cu Gabi.. dar de ce? mi-a facut atat de mult rau, mi-a sfasiat inima in mii si mii de bucatele fara sa clipeasca..de parca as fi fost doar o unealta pentru ea.. o jucarie care a manevrato cum a vrut ea.. Nu , nu este posibil!! ceva este la mijloc.. Doamne, inca nu imi vine sa cred ca am crezut-o! mi-a spus ca ma iubeste iar eu ca o papusha bine manevrata am dansat dupa cum mi s-a cantat.. Si totusi, de ce inca tremur cand ii aud vocea? la naiba! m-am saturat.. nu stiu cum sa fac.. Elis e o fata buna, prea buna pentru mine.. imi este frica pentru ea.. se indragosteste de mine iar eu… ma gandesc la cu totul altceva.. ma gandesc sa fiu lasat in pace… pff..nu-mi vine sa cred..am ajuns propriul meu inamic.. un distrugator de inimi.. Tin la Elis foarte mult.. dar nu pot face mai mult pentru ea.. nu pot sa merg mai departe cu minciuna asta.. oare ce gandeste ea acum? oare plange pentru mine? NU! nu se poate asa ceva! nu sunt de iubit.. sunt un monstru.. stiu asta.. si ma impiedica sa fiu fericit.. sa continui.. Nu stiu ce voi face in continuare.. nu stiu cat voi mai rezista.. sper doar ca acesta sa fie un pas bun, faptul ca scriu in jurnal..trebuie sa fac ceva sa ma descarc iar sa-i povestesc unei persoane despre chestiile astea nu as putea, m-as simti foarte prost, as intra in pamant.. probabil din cauza faptului ca voi fi aspru judecat.. Draga Jurnal, multumesc ca ma asculti si ca nu ma judeci.. sper sa continui acest obicei..
P.S. azi a fost prima oara cand mi sa zis ca sunt un om bun.. Elis mi-a ziso inainte sa plece din casa.. trebuie sa o gasesc, sa ii povestesc totul..o merita.. iar eu nu merit nimic..trebuie sa-mi continui povara, de a iubi o persoana care ma distrus, si de a infrange o inima si un gand care nu are cale de implinire… “

 
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Posted by on February 7, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

The beggining of the end..

ImageYeah well hello again! first , for a change , i recieved some requests that i should write more posts in english.. so here it is..

February! Can you believe it? it’s the second month in the year!! Time flies.. indeed.. it’s been already a month since new year, where all people had fun (parties, drinking, having more sex than usual and other stuff). In two days will a month be passed since St. Jhon :-? let me think.. half of month since winter vacation ended.. and other usefull stuff.. February.. yeah.. we all know what this month is representative for , right? sure you do! well, it passed 4 years since the month had 29 days so.. this year February has again, 29 days.. so for the people that were born in the 29th of February, it’s a very special birthday party ! (since they feel it from 4 to 4 years) . Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand.. of course..  :| VALENTINES!

Now,normally, the romanian date of celebrating sweet Valentine’s is different than the americans, buuut, we do it every year on 14th.. But, what is it exactly Valentine’s? Of course!! The greatest day in the year for all the lovers in almost the whole world!! Yeah you know the feeling probably, when you go buy flowers for your girlfriend, get her out for a movie at the mall, have a romantic dinner and after that eventually valentine’s sex.. Oooooooooooooor, you do like most jerks and skip to the last part of this “plan” :| Some people think that this is the day where love is in the air, and you keep it going, with sweet words, confessions, “one day marriages” and other stuff.. sure it’s cute.. i didin’t say no.. even if i personally hate this day.. (other subject, non-important) I mean really, it’s too much cuddling, sweetness, “oh dear i love you so much” and stuff.. So, in conclusion, for some people Valentine’s is like the best lover day.. (even the kids in high school celebrate valentine’s .. with words like “i love you” and stuf.. like they’d know what is love…” but for some people it’s the saddest day of the year.. you know..yeah..maybe you find yourself in them too.. of course.. the single ones! Isin’t it such a bitch when you see all your friends going out with the partners? and you know that they’ll have fun..and even if you dont recognize it, you are gealous of them! invidious! deep inside your heart a voice is telling you that it should it be you the one who is beeing kissed by that sweet girl under that old tree or shining light or even under a falling star… So? conclusion? is it good or is it bad? think of both sides, don’t be selfish, i , personally, think it’s bad.. and that was all for today..

 

 

 
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Posted by on February 5, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

Some old poems of mine..

Sad in blue

Sad sad sad in blue
For sad sad sad you
The moon is all bluish tonight
The night is all dark out side
Nowhere to run
Sad sad sad in blue

Into the night hold me tight
Love me babe I need some light
What’s wrong and what’s right
When shadows dwell and abide

Sad sad sad in blue
For sad sad sad you
The moon is all bluish tonight
Is there some star shoot in sight
To wish upon
For sad sad sad you

Into the night take a flight
Feelings, touch, everything out sight
Love me with feelings ok
Come come babe now closer stay

Sad sad sad in blue
For sad sad sad you
The moon is all bluish tonight
Is there some star shoot in sight
To wish upon
For sad sad sad you

Death and I


When death comes
I’ll need not love –
Consumed,
No wreath or dove
Could offer me salvation,
Not when I’m no more.

A weathered stone will bear my name –
Identity of once a being
Living out existence in
A world of risk, and never seeing
Sense of why we’re here.

My genes will die away thro’ child –
Hue of eyes and hair, the way of thought,
Will quickly dim with generation –
Bow to future dominance –
Memories of provenance
Resigned to curious few.

When death comes
I’ll need not grace
Below; no grieving face
Will call my resurrection,
Not when I’m at ground –

Death and I so bound.

 
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Posted by on January 30, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

Astenie de iarna..

Uite ca dupa atata timp, cu atata intarziere a venit si iarna propriu zisa.. e naspa!:)) adica bine, ador zapada si sporturile de iarna dar e inceputul lui Februarie aproape (ultima luna de iarna).. si la noi totul este plin de zapada, drumurile sunt multe inchise, e un ger afara de-ti crapa sufletul in tine si sa nu mai zic de gheatza care e pe jos ca daca nu esti atent/a te duci cu “cracii in sus” :) ) Acusi vine primavara… vara..abia astept.. m-am saturat de frig! imi ingheatza sufletul in mine pe vremea asta:)) nici nu iti vine sa iesi din casa!

Fiecare fulg de nea ce coboara,
E un zambet de-al meu de odinioara,
Care fericire mi-a adus mereu,
Si ma facut sa uit de tot ce e greu..

Zapada e alba si curata, pura si rece,
Te face sa vezi cat de repede timpul trece,
Si te lasa cu un sentiment de melancolie
Care nu ti-ai fi dorit sa fie…

Afara totul e inghetat si trist,
Nici tu nu esti acolo asa cum ai promis,
Asa ca voi sta si voi medita,
Despre cum mi-am petrecut eu viata

Zambesc si imi vine sa ies totusi,
Sa ma bat cu zapada, sa fug pe unde si tu fugi,
Sa dansez si sa ma simt bine,
Caci asta am facut odata si cu tine!

Na ca am facut si o poezie..nu e cine stie ce dar sper sa mearga :P hmmm… Asa..nu uitati in seara asta sa mergeti in The Stage sa ne distram putin …asa ca de Sambata seara..ce ziceti ?:> promit ca o sa iasa dezmatz!:)) cam atat in postarea de azi..am promis k o sa scriu mai des si usor usor incerc sa ma tin de promisiune..va urez tuturor cititorilor mei un weekend cat mai placut!!! si mare grija sa va imbracati ca e ger!!

 
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Posted by on January 28, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

Yes, I’m alive!

Da..incep cu inceputul..imi cer scuze ca nu am mai scris de atata timp pe blog.. si ca am primit niste declaratii..dar chiar nu am stiut ce sa scriu.. am trait sa zic asa o furtuna..de emotii de trairi de tot.. si inca traiesc..nu am ce zice.. pana sa ma stabilesc sa ma uit la cer si sa zic “yes, life is beautiful!” mai este.. :| si la cererea unor persoane (gen sormea si etc..) m-am gandit ca ce naiba.. este ora 00.47, eu nu am somn, am un feeling ciudat si .. ia sa vedem ce se intampla daca punem mintea acestui baiat simplu la contributie? da.. corect.. ce se si poate intampla? Deci..here we go… the actually post..

Hmmm.. zilele astea am calatorit mult ..nu am ce zice..observ incolo si incoace ca toata lumea se desparte si se combina.. ceea ce e dubios ca (de exemplu) vad zilnic pe facebook cel putin 15-20 de persoane care ori sunt “in a relationship” ori “single” deci.. ce sa zic.. e sezonul indecisilor .. :) Lasand asta la o parte.. vreau sa dezbat (daca se poate) un subiect.. M-a intrebat o prietena acum cateva zile, “Adelin, daca ar fi sa alegi in iubi sau nu.. tu ce ai fi ales? gandeste-te la toate traite pana acum.. ” M-a blocat efectiv .. nici nu am stiut..adica s-au intamplat atat de multe chestii frumoase sau..perfecte..cum vreti sa le ziceti cat am iubit.. dar intr-adevar au fost si momente foarte grele si de aproape imposibil de trecut.. dar..concluzionand.. se merita? sa iubesti (de exemplu) o zi, ca sa suferi zece? DA! CLAR! cine crede ca nu am dreptate eu zic sa-si aminteasca acele momente perfecte… asta e viata..chiar nu ai ce sa-i faci.. Dar voi? ce a-ti fi ales? sa iubiti sau nu? Lasand la o parte chestia asta.. trecem la alta chestie.. Ati avut vreodata impresia ca incercati mereu sa faceti totul intr-o relatie sa fie perfect dar … oricat de mult v-ati stradui, va dati seama ca de fapt nu e niciodata indeajuns? si inca ceva.. oare cealalta persoana ar face la fel petru voi? adica come on.. de cate ori ati spus ca “as face orice pentru el/ea” .. oare ati face chiar ORICE? si mai ales..oare ea/el ar face la fel ORICE pentru tine? Mda.. intrebari si intrebari.. care raspunsul sincer sa fiu, o sa il aflati singuri..pe propria piele.. dar cand va loviti cu capul de prag aduceti-va minte ca mereu sa va ridicati in picioare si sa mergeti mai departe, in ritm cu viata!

Sper ca nu va plictisit postarea.. :) o sa incerc sa scriu mai des.. DaDe , signing out!:)) (p.s. mersi Silvana de help in leg cu ce te-am intrebat)

 
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Posted by on January 25, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

Schimbare..

Intr-adevar ..viata este foarte grea.. si cei mai multi nu stiu cum sa treaca de problemele care le intampina de zi cu zi.. nimeni nu a zis ca va fi usor.. asta e clar.. Dar.. cateodata viata iti ofera si cateva (putine) momente de fericire pentru care chiar se merita sa lupti si sa suferi… Atunci cand esti trist/a si te simti singur si nedorit exact atunci se intampla sa-ti vina un ingeras mic sa te sarute si sa te ia de mana sa te faca sa te indragostesti.. :) da…… stiu ..nu e prea corect desi.. Fiecare ne indragostim cel putin o data in viata.. fiecare ne dedicam trup si suflet unei relatii (cu exceptia persoanelor care isi bat joc sau cauta aventuri) .. si deseori.. chiar dak facem totul sa fie bine.. tot se intampla ceva sa strice totul…. si ramanem iar dezamagiti, cu privirea in pamant, cu un gust amar in suflet si cu ganduri rele.. Trebuie sa trecem peste asta.. ce nu te omoara te face mai puternic.. si chiar daca voi  , cei care suferiti sau ati suferit din diferite cauze nu puteti spune ca decat ca “suferinta si durerea ce am simtito au fost o experienta de viata si m-au facut sa fiu persoana puternica care sunt azi..” Ceea ce e de fapt adevarul.. daca nu am fi suferit sau sa fim ranitzi , acum nu stiam cum sa ne ferim, cum sa actionam, cum sa fim defensivi.. Deci este o parte si buna in aceasta “durere” care ne-o provoaca persoanele dragi.. Asa vedem si noi cine are o personalitate puternica si poate trece peste oriucine si orice ca sa-si duca visele la realizare.. cam atat pentru azi.. eu pot zice ca tocmai am avut parte de aceasta schimbare care chiar imi aduce un zambet zilnic.. :)

 
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Posted by on November 29, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

Dacă dragostea…

Dacă dragostea este un sentiment universal, atunci durerea de multe ori ce o cauzeaza(unii ar putea spune în mod inevitabil cauze) este la fel de universala. Cu toate acestea, faptul că imploră numai problema mai importanta: De ce poeziile şi poveştile triste de durere emoţională aduce fiecaruia dintre noi o ciudata placere?

Sunt sigur că psihologii au un răspuns la această întrebare. Si eu sunt la fel de sigur ca este un alt răspuns decât un poet ar oferi.

Poate că, în cele din urmă, răspunsul într-adevăr nu este atât de complex. O povară născuta in fiecare persoana poate creşte de multe ori prea greu să le suporte. Poate că, în cele din urmă, fiecare dintre noi ştie că singurul mod de a impartasi durerea e de fapt singurul mod in care putem trai cu ea.  Şi asta este cu adevărat ceea ce fiecare dintre aceste poeme pregnant triste sunt – a imparti.Image

You meant so much

You meant so much to all of us
You were special and that’s no lie
You brightened up the darkest day
And the cloudiest sky

Your smile alone warmed hearts
Your laugh was like music to hear
I would give absolutely anything
To have you well and standing near

Not a second passes
When you’re not on our minds
Your love we will never forget
The hurt will ease in time

Many tears I have seen and cried
They have all poured out like rain
I know that you are happy now
And no longer in any pain.

Corrupted Love

A warm sensation fills my body
My heart races with every touch
The softness of your voice soothes
My soul
As I lay there hoping the moment
Will never end
Calling out for you
Praying that you’ll never let me go
The sensation so strong
I can no longer feel my body
Slowly I fade in and out of reality
In an instant the warm sensation
Fades away
My heart empty
My soul torn apart
Lying there; wondering where I went
Wrong
Calling out for you, only to find
there is no answer
My mind invaded with thoughts
So cruel and unrefined
The sensation of fear of what’s to come
Slowly the reality over powering
The lust and fantasy
Leaving me empty
Confused on how to think or feel
The loneliness I feel
So wretched and compelled
Betrayal to myself
Revealing the terrors of my love

 
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Posted by on November 25, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

Optimism much…

Buna Dimineata dragi cititori .. incepem azi cu optimismul. Chiar ieri dezbateam cu o amica foarte buna care are mari probleme in relatie de ce sa fie optimista si mai ales cum sa reuseasca.. Discutia a durat ore intregi.. si pana la urma am convinso ca nu are rost sa se agite. Intr-adevar, stiu , e foarte greu sa fii optimist cand toate sansele sunt impotriva ta, e ca si cum te-ai lupta cu toata lumea! ceea ce..la un moment dat esti nevoit sa o faci.. si daca nu pleci la lupta cu zambetul pe buze fiind sigur de tine ca vei castiga, atunci cum sa ai sanse de izbanda? Sa luam spre exemplu deceptiile din dragoste.. toata lumea cand se desparte de o persoana iubita spune ca “nu voi gasi pe altcineva la fel ca el” , “il voi iubi mereu!” , “nu il voi uita niciodata” si asa mai departe.. GREImageSITI! sunt 1% sanse ca acel cineva (mai ales daca el va parasit) sa se intoarca la voi :| asa ca nu mai visati cai verzi pe pereti ca nu sunt reali.. “Nu voi gasi pe altcineva la fel ca el” GRESEALA! sunt altii de mii de ori mai buni ca el, doar ca trebuie sa ii cautati! “Ulciorul vine la apa , nu invers” deci.. think about it! “Il voi iubi mereu” Asta clar nu e adevarat..timpul vindeca orice.. iar cu timpul il vei uita.. trebuie doar sa fii optimista si sa crezi.. si sigur ca daca te gandesti non stop la el nu ti-l poti scoate din minte.. “Nu il voi uita niciodata” Ba da, il vei uita, atunci cand va aparea urmatoarea persoana care daca stie ce si cum sa faca si sa zica poate sa te faca sa il uiti in doua secunde.. Deci nu trebuie sa stati posomorati dupa ce va despartiti de o persoana care o iubiti , nu se merita, ganditi-va ca persoana aia nu va meritat..si oricum nu o/il intereseaza ca voi suferiti in tacere.. Ganditi-va ca nu e ultima persoana de pe pamant si ca sunt unii care ar da orice sa ii iubiti! cam atat pentru astazi.. a fost o postare de incurajare pentru toti care suferi de la despartiri.. am trecut si eu prin chestiile astea dar vreau si pot sa fiu optimistic.. e pentru binele meu.. la fel trebuie sa faceti si voi…

 
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Posted by on November 24, 2011 in Uncategorized

 
 
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